Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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