the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
