Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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