Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize