What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
