I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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