So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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