If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
