i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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