That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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