Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
