And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
