broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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