A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
