Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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