it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
