WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
