If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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