fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
