the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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