The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize