you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
