I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
