my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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