why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
