Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize