Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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