I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
did i just pee glitter
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
