I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
