the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drake has all the answers
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