Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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