Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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