I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
