If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
