So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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