Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
