I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
