He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
