For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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