So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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