I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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