Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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