my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
