At least make sure they are 18
Why
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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