He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
