; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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