I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
