I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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