I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
