I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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