She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
