What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
