Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
