Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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