i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
