Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
