Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
