508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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