hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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