Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
