It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
