So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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