honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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