His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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