Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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