Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
