and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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