Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"

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(775): View more from Nevada

Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

That's thinking positively..

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.

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(509): View more from Washington

He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.

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(616): View more from Michigan

sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.

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(515): View more from Iowa

WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????

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(870): View more from Arkansas

woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"

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