He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
