Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
