All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
