tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
