He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize