my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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