toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
too bad you live with your parents still
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
