This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
