there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
