ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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