from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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