god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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