You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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