Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
