I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
