It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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