When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
