so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
