"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Will exercising make me less horny?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
