I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
