I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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