he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
