I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
