Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
