I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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