I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
