operation harelip BJ is a go
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
