I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
