You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
