The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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