Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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