So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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