wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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