Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i'm inner monologue high
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
