At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize