Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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