I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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