Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
