I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
